Steal My Ideas, Please

How do people react when they have everything?

Two-person TV show. No, two-person showdown. Total knockdown debating, intellectually at a very high level, but “fighters” wear boxing gloves and dance around a ring, landing verbal jabs. It’s a play, it’s philosophy! Every week a new profound, always relevant topic. Could be a play, actually.

Yo, this also works in Chicago, New York, Miami and other cities. Anyplace with a rich legacy of dastardly illegalities. Forget those namby-pamby horsebleep-and-buggy rides. Instead, get into a long black limo that’s riddled with bullet holes. In fact, your guide, Vinnie “Oyster Crackers” Badabing, will grunt, as he waves his tommygun, “Youse’ll get in […]

“Vote for Me! My ugly opponent’s pro-death and he wants to raise everybody’s taxes! This ad, brought to you by the Committee to Re-Elect Joe Jerkweed at Any Cost, not only just wasted $20,000 that could have gone for several children’s health-care premiums, but it may cause headaches, nausea, vomiting, gullibility, insensitivity, and major regret. […]

There’s sports talk. Opinionated political talk. Even shows all about money. But why not TV-movie-music-media-Web-celebrities-and-maybe-also-a-little sports-and-sex talk? Key to good talk radio is having two lively hosts who often disagree (a la WIP in Philly), and who can juggle several hot topics at once, to hook a wide audience. Keep the whiny politics out of […]

This would be a popular product. Sure, people license cartoon characters for T-shirts and games and underwear. Fun stuff. But aren’t laughs even more needed during disgusting chores, like changing a catbox? Look forward to this every week at my house! Anyway, people love Garfield, people love cats, people love jokes, so market some catbox […]

Saw a page marked “This page intentionally left blank” in a brochure, and thought of the Zen-like message “This mind intentionally left blank.” Thought it might make a good bumper sticker. A Web search, of course, reveals it’s been whispered into the empty minds of other souls as well.

Seeing some old guy waddle to the mound in striped flannel pajamas is pretty ridiculous. And a majorly missed marketing opportunity. Put coaches in knit or other casual shirts with team logos, and fans might buy more. (You can pretty much buy anything with a team logo these days.) Theory was you needed a uniform […]

Baseball’s too slow for me. Make two strikes a strikeout, three balls a walk. That’ll force pitchers to throw strikes and batters to swing. Could shorten the game, create more tense full counts, and lengthen pitcher’s careers.

If celeb baby news is beaucoup bucks (People mag paid millions for pics of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s newbie, Shiloh), well, celebrity baby publishing is bound to become its own industry. People begat Teen People, so why not Baby People? Babies are people, too, after all. And plenty of advertisers are out to Pamper […]

OK, I’m doubting Chrysler going to call, and pay me for this great idea. But, honestly, as anyone who’s driven in a city knows, it’d be great to see a car revamped just for cities. It should have … bulletproof glass … a removable glovebox you can carry away … a removable ignition you can […]