Steal My Ideas, Please

Ever notice how many current and once-popular brands sound like baby talk or nonsense? Google. Barbie. Madonna. Sudoku. Bambi. Yahoo. Howdy Doody. Coca-Cola. Pokemon. Pop-Eye. Wham-O. Oreo. Goobers. iPod. eBay. Frisbee. Gumby. ABBA. Barbra. Pizza. The Doobie Brothers. Dydie Diapers. Tutti frutti. The Bee Gees. BVDs. Jeep. Fuji. Hula Hoop. Uma. Oprah. Subaru. OK I’m exaggerating, but simple nonsense is (a) simple, (b) […]

Full title idea: Getting in Touch With Your Inner Hippie in an Increasingly Corporate PC World. No, this isn’t a guide to mind-enhancing drugs. It’d be about peace and love and joy, bypassing the all-too-familiar avenues of ambition and fear. If someone writes this, I’ll buy a copy. I could use the advice.

How about a group that’s the antithesis of an anti-defamation alliance? Call it the Thick-Skin Society. Its central belief: We believe in total free speech, so go ahead, take your best shot! We welcome it. This multicultural group would monitor the media, from TV to blogs, and cry howls of protest when some group hasn’t been insulted lately. […]

Those Segway Human Transporters have yet to revolutionize the world. Maybe one reason is that the joy of riding them can’t be shared. So make one so two people can ride. Standing. (Not expecting it’d work with one on the handlebars.) Even more economical. Fun on dates. And one person could hold the umbrella. Hey, look there already is […]

The peanuts are the best part of Crackerjack for me. Too bad they always fall to the bottom of the bag, but hey that’s life. Don’t have an idea for solving that. But if Crackerjack sold bags of just their peanuts (a) folks would buy them because they’re good, and (b) other folks would buy them […]

In this league, you draft athletes not for yards or touchdowns or home runs, but for endorsement deals. Hold it every July after Forbes puts out its annual list of best-paid athletes. To make it more challenging (we all know Tiger Woods will rake in megabucks), the aim is to assemble a roster with the largest year-to-year increase. […]

You’ll probably think I need brain surgery myself as this idea unfolds. But the aim isn’t to glorify or mock diseases and conditions. No, rather it’s to foster sympathy and caregiving in kids, who, after all, like to pretend to care for babies and animals. You could put bandaids on Polly Patients skinned knee, wrap her twisted ankle, or even be […]

Make-a-Box cardboard comes in several sizes. Small is perfect to make a box for a deck of cards. Run it through your inkjet, printing not only your designs, but the faint dotted lines where you need to cut or fold. Larger sizes are perfect for ties and other gifts, CDs and DVDs, any use your mind desires. You’d […]

Why does soap in hotels often take forever to get off your hands? OK, it’s probably because it has some kind of “luxuriant” moisturer that trogolytes like me are too dumb to appreciate. Well, for us clean and simple simpletons, how about offering a quick-rinse, skip-the-creamy-coating soap? I want soap, not cream of vegetable soup.

Completely opaque lenses (classic black, or optional images of eyeballs) with earplugs on those hinged side thingies (frame temples?). Great for bus terminals, little children’s birthday parties, family reunions,promising plays and movies that reek,  monk practice, and long relaxing soaks in the tub.

To solve high-profile crimes, the FBI has decided to assign two groups with completely divergent approaches. One goes by the book, using traditional CSI-like scientific methods. The other uses ex-cons, psychics, goofballs, geeks, etc. who follow hunches and wild ideas. Sometimes the suits are right, sometimes the risk takers crack the case, but they’re always bumping […]