Finally realized something: Listen to yourself. Be yourself. Find yourself. Realize you have no “self” self. But don’t try to be somebody. That’s when you twist yourself up. You try to be two people. Become two people. A house divided. Your true feelings (even if there’s no such thing ultimately) and your new “feelings.”
Big mistake: “How to make her like me.” Had to “figure out how.” Well, you can “figure out” why you do what you do, but you can’t figure out how to “make” someone do anything. Especially something real like “liking” (or loving you). It’s the old impressing people problem, as my friend Mike McTeague used to say. You do this for her. That for your mom. Those things for your friends. Other things for employers you’ve never met, colleagues you don’t really know, and a self who’s scared and lonely and just wants somebody to be impressed. (Boo hoo. It’s the boo-hoo inside all of us.) So you can unravel the ball of yarns you tell yourself, but you can’t spin a ball of yarns that will truly fool others for long.
Don’t think. Feel. Find the thoughts that generate those feelings. Your misconceptions. Assumed beliefs. Prejudices. And just plain lazy acceptances. See through them. “Logic” them away. Let it go. Not to create a new and better self. But just to be. After all, what’s it all for anyway? You going somewhere?
Destinations are meaningless — unless they’re from the heart.