Steal My Ideas, Please

Suppose we each had our own personal bar code. Wear it proudly on a T-shirt, or the ass of your jeans (whatever you wish), and then passersby can scan it (with those scanner phones that will come someday) and learn all about you … or at least about your blog, your causes, your interests, your requests. […]

Nah, just kidding about the ice. But I could arenas shows packin’ ‘em in, with police and fire re-enactments and other stunts. Hose fights! Cops & robbers re-enactments. Gun-safety tips. Good behavior messages. Then lots of life-saving, heart-pounding mayhem. Real fires? Real rescues? Famous arrests. Most Wanted rundown. Where do I get tickets?!  If not real active cops and firemen, then […]

Sure, why not? Here’s a cartridge with Cheese Whiz. Here’s one with Instant Pudding in several “colors.” Or slip in the Marinara Module. Or the Ionizing Icing Applicator. You feed (pun intended) in sheets of edible “paper” — beef jerky pulp, pasta paper, flexible crackers (well, they’ll get “crackery” after they dry or baked, pliable cookie […]

I don’t understand commercials that make users of products look stupid. OK, it’s fine to postmodern and make fun of yourself (thereby engendering trust), but, hey, if it’s not funny and the user looks like a schmuck, well, why do I look like a schmuck and buy your product? First, tonight, I see a T-mobile ad […]

They say taking care of pets, especially dogs, makes people nicer. Meanwhile, every year all sorts of unadopted strays are put to death for lack of homes. What if some wise and generous benefactor paid so poor children could save some pets’ lives and have a friend to care for? Could it cut urban violence? Lessen […]

Given the childhood obesity problem, perhaps schools should also have a social mandate to promote activity and healthful eating, and schools with lousy food and no phys ed would lose federal aid. Let every child stand in class, if they like, I say! Burn more calories that way. And it’s probably better for posture, and […]

We’ve all sent complaints about products into the black hole of customer relations, never to return. But just suppose, whenever we did, our complaints were automatically added to a poll. Say I emailed, “My defroster failed!” The next person would see my comment, too, and be asked, “Did you also experience this?” No, she’s complains, ”There’s this weird clunking […]

It’s the Digg era, with popularity driving content on all sorts of sites. What I haven’t seen yet (of course, maybe you have) is a site that lets popularity make the evolve. Start with  50 categories of stuff. News, sports, humor, video, celebrity gossip, blogs, etc. Put whatever you like at the top, however many items […]

Gee, I seem to have written down another song.
Baby Alligator, Who Flushed You Down the Drain?
Baby alligator, who flushed you down the drain?
You came up swimming in my creek,
and ate my cat, you freak!But then we became buddies
and I let you in my house;
Caught with a mouse, you had to hide,
my wife didn’t like letting […]

I wrote this song this morning on the john. (Hey, that’s a lyric, too! Wonder how the rest of that song would go…)
Monkey Men on the Monkey Bars
Monkey men on the monkey bars
swingin’ all day long
gruntin’ and stuntin’ and singin’ songs
might as well be from MarsDrop the acts
Don’t look back
Need a new track
One of your […]

Why did the Atkins Diet not raise cholesterol levels in many who tried it? Because it’s actually a low-fat diet. Think about it. What are the greasiest fatty foods in the American diet? Fries. Fried chicken. Fried fish. Cookies. Crackers. Candy. Grilled cheese. Pizza with extra cheese. Now say “no carbs” and what happens? You can’t […]

It’s only a matter of time. Technology advances. Star salaries keep rising. And legal rights expire. Then someone could re-animate in the most realistic way all the bygone stars. Greta Garbo. The Three Stooges. Write new material, and they’d “know” how to act it out. Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk. Max Headroom was only just a sniff of what’s […]

I’d like to sell some puzzle books I’m creating, say at the local airport. But I can’t afford a regular cart. So how about a mini-one? Basically, it would be a portable store, wirelessly ready to accept credit cards, print receipts, store change (that’s in my pockets). Design it all up, and you’ve got yourself […]

Every day, either (a) record horrible singing by a friend or family member, or (b) find some recording of horrible singing on Web. Call it scrreeech.com or screeech.com (with 3 e’s; url with correct spelling is taken). Could be a hoot! Could even do all sorts of distortion fun, by “photoshopping” familiar songs to insert […]

I mean, I just haven’t had the time to blog lately. I have ideas … and some new cartoons. But other projects are just pulling me away. So I need to wirelessly blog while I’m driving. But how to draw? Let’s invent Dictatable Drawing! It’s a program that you train to follow your instructions. “Let’s […]