It’s one thing to be a detective, doing the actual sleuthing that can get you killed. Or a scientist doing the actual research. It’s another to be a professional theorist. The ultimate specialist. He doesn’t gather any clues. No, when all your theories seem to go nowhere, you seek him out, and he comes with another, Read More …
Gees, what a loser of a show. Hello. The producers never found the humor of the premise (if there is one) and they totally forgot you cannot be funny (at least not in a popular, commercially viable way) with being obnoxious, offensive, politically correct and/or ridiculous. Sure, you can have “smart” Cavemen, but they also have to Read More …
“The use of the useless,” a Taoist philosopher once said. Ah, but there’s also the use of the stupid, and I don’t mean guys like dumb blondes and dumb friends they feel superior to. No, instead of looking for that logical finishing touch, how about adding something that makes no sense? (a) It’ll keep ’em guessing, and maybe they’ll Read More …
I once thought about doing a comic strip, Signs of the Times. It would have been all sorts of jokes based on signs … ideographic signs (I have some old cartoons I’ll post, some I already have) … signs enterprising panhandlers might display … labels on bottles … bumper stickers … advertising signs … any printed messages. Read More …
Finicky Koko turns up her nose at all sorts of canned cat food. It’s unpredictable. Tough to track what she likes and doesn’t. Now we humans often liven up our food with sauces and dressings and cheese. So why not toppings for cats? Rancid Carcass Remoulade. Wild Chipmunk Salsa. Minced-Up Mice Marinara. Grated Meowzerrella. A glop on top, Read More …
Or maybe it’s Big Brother: The Detox Edition. You corral a bunch of strung-out celebrities and resurrect their fading fame by helping them break their worst addictions. Or maybe it’s called Cold Turkey With the Stars. Could even serve as reminder to our youth: In America, you always get a second chance … as long as Read More …
Oops. Guess somebody already thought of this: The random excuse generator. And check this out: A blog devoted to generators. It links to all sorts of wild ones … including an idea generator … put your name on a plane … The Boobie Name Generator … Bart Simpson writing your sentence on a blackboard. At least I did think Read More …
Actually, that sounds like fantasy. But that’s not what I mean. No, flip the premise and see what you get: The Biggest Gainer Anorexics compete to put on the most weight. Wife Keep Producers scout for the most horrible wives and the men who want to leave them — then force the men to stay. Read More …
There’s something not funny about having comedy awards. Seriously. It’s old “hey, here’s a funny joke” problem: If you say something’s funny, well, the audience gets all, “Well, we’ll be the judge of that,” and the performers get all jokey and phoney. Or at least they seem to. So instead, have an awards that’s disguised Read More …
Every day, either (a) record horrible singing by a friend or family member, or (b) find some recording of horrible singing on Web. Call it scrreeech.com or screeech.com (with 3 e’s; url with correct spelling is taken). Could be a hoot! Could even do all sorts of distortion fun, by “photoshopping” familiar songs to insert Read More …
During the Live Earth concert, it was hard to take the trooping celebrities seriously. “I turn off lights!” “I drive a hybrid!” Today, after hearing more of this, I wondered how much of this really makes a difference. I half-expect to hear next: “I turn off a light before I blow-dry my hair for an hour!” Or: “On my Read More …
In the beginning, sadness became depression. Then trouble concentrating (and plain old restlessness) became attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. There’s seasonal affective disorder for the winter blues. Shyness became social anxiety disorder. Recently, video game obsession became a candidate for becoming a new disorder. OK, many people do suffer from hampered skills and emotional confusion. But making common difficulties Read More …
What if … you poked tiny holes in hot dogs so steam would vent in a way that the hot dog would turn itself as it heated? I was just about to try it, when I found out somebody ate the last two hot dogs! Test results await. More adventurous would be the Self-Turning Burger. Read More …
Seriously. Today’s study is tomorrow’s refuted study. All too often. But how often? Still imagine these series of headlines: Study: 62.5 pct. of studies are later discredited Study that discredited studies ain’t true either Study that discredited discrediting study also discredited Gosh, just can’t believe anything you read anymore (including this).
Using his psychic powers, he knows exactly who is after him! He also has a third eye in the back of his head, which helps when the rear-view mirror on his glasses isn’t working. Yes, he’s Paranormal Paranoia Man! With his comely sidekick, Clair Voyant, who, thinks he’s after her. “I see the future,” she tells Read More …