Life used to be simpler. Forecasters told you the “relative humidity.” But, no. That’s no longer the best measure. Now it’s the “dew point.” Supposedly it tells how much total moisture’s in the air, which better correlates to mugginess. (You don’t feel muggy when it’s 100 percent humidity at 40 degrees. Supposedly. But I think Read More …
Tony gets religion. Or at least he decides to turn to God. He begs for forgiveness, promising to start his life over again. It starts to rain, and the water trickles off his face as if he’s being baptised. Then he’s hit by lightning, charring him to a crisp. The long arm of justice. The ultimate “hit.” Then Read More …
Whoo-hoo, whoopdedamndoo! Every game show, the crowd and contestants are so pepped up, you’d think eyes would pop out and roll around the floor. How about, as a change of pace, Unenthusiastic Night or Unenthusiastic Day? (Unenthusiastic Week is too much to expect.) For one special occasion, you get morose and sullen and cyncial types, who shrug and Read More …
One surefire way to come up with a good invention: Make life simpler. Make things easier, more convenient. But wouldn’t life be poorer without … peanuts in the shell? Leaves to rake? Snow to shovel? Novels and TV shows and sporting events that lead you on to the very end? Sudoku puzzles and Rubik’s Cubes? Sometimes Read More …
The Cosby Show was once the most popular show on TV — until the parents starting acting all-knowing and wise. It was far more fun in the earlier years when it was more truthful: Sometimes kids are right, and often kids are willful and have a point. Now, along comes Are You Smarter Than a Read More …
Take an old book and add some steamier scenes. Or wilder adventures. Add trouble of a greater order of magnitude. Same story, more action, less angst. Scarlet Letter: Hester Prynne whips out an uzi and shows those prudes a thing or two. They once had Classic Comics (maybe they still do?), visually retellings of famous stories. These Read More …
ABC has remade faces and totally renovated homes. So how about remaking lives? Possibilities: Extreme Makeover: Mind Edition, where people get help from life coaches, psychologists, clergy, family and friends. Get Dr. Phil to host this puppy, perhaps. Or Oprah. Extreme Makeover: Love Life Edition. This time, instead of focusing on outer beauty, it would be about Read More …
As I mentioned before, it’d be great to revive Rocky and Bullwinkle in a series of novels. Loony spy adventures … deadpan humor … chapters with punny titles … somebody sign me up, please! But he’s a more up-to-date idea, blog these new adventures, featuring a new installment every day. Perhaps written as a diary by Rocky or Bullwinkle or Read More …
Seriously, why should a big-time TV event like this fail to generate any revenue for anybody? The networks run no ads, the government gets no rights fees, and a handful of major networks alienate chunks of their TV-addicated audience. So revamp the speech to have commercial breaks, and sell the exclusive rights to one network, or one broadcast and Read More …
No, I’m not talking about burning off calories by talking. Just seems that exercise would be more fun if it had an element of socializing. Noisy machines, regimented classes, the need to grunt while weightlifting, the love of quiet in yoga … they all work against talking. So why not design routines to be compatible with conversation? First, have participants stand in Read More …
By all accounts, Pluto Nash was one of the all-time stinkers. Yet Eddie Murphy is one of the all-time funniest people. Which suggests to way the producers could have made lemonade out of this lemon: Borrow a page from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and have Murphy unreservedly rip his own movie. Could be a riot. Just the cranberry Read More …
Gossip columns are popular, and so are TV series. Doesn’t it seem sometimes that people are almost as interested in TV characters as they are in real people? Aha! Do a newspaper column called Character References that’s “gossip” about what happened last night on TV. Write it up in chatty mock-shock-schlocky style. Boldface the unreal names. Only Read More …
The needed newspaper revolution could learn from the one on TV: Faltering ratings were boosted, temporarily at least, with the surge in reality TV. Basically, such shows were (a) cheap to produce, and (b) based on providing contrived vicarious thrills. How do real people behave? In a way, isn’t that one reason we read newspapers? Read More …
Clearly, newspapers are best when readers have lots of time. And newspapers know they need to have content for the five-minute reader. But how about being multi-tasking friendly? What kind of content could you enjoy while you’re watching TV? Eating dinner with the family? Driving? Out on a date? (Patience: Asking dumb questions sometimes leads Read More …
Simple: People get a mischievous kick of seeing things destroyed. (It’s the Shiva in us, the flipside of creation that balances out the universe.) Like Letterman dropping pumpkins off a roof. Take it to the limit. See who can whack the most heck out of unneeded objects the fastest: That old Webber grill, a carton of chipped Read More …