Golf Novelties, Part 2

When you write Part 1, you’re supposed to write Part 2. So here goes: A golf club you can’t destroy — it’s rubber-coated wire like those posable toys. Whack, smack, hurl, throw in the lake. It doesn’t break. (Plus, it’s got a string for reeling it in?) … Or how about the enviro-friendly disposable club? Stomp it, whomp it, let a dog chomp it. Break it on a tree. It’s made of super-compressed peat moss, so it decomposes easily. … Or the exploding bird-seed and tree-seed ball. Fore! Hit a tree on purpose, and it blasts apart to feed our feather friends and/or plant new seeds. Great way to replenish rain forests! Host a seed-ball event as a do-good/good-time vacation … The Politician’s Portrait Ball. Imagine you’re knocking some sense into the dumbest rep of the other party. … The horror-hand golf tee. It’s like a teeny corpse’s gnarled paw reaching up from a grave … A club shaped like a hockey stick. … A football-shaped ball you hit off a kicking tee. Watch that baby go end over end. Or maybe you design this amazing hand-shaped tee, and when you hit the tee (not the ball) just right, it throws a perfect spiral. … Or how about golf shoes that can secretly blast air? As you walk up to the ball on the green, why, look!, it’s rolling toward the cup! Also strong enough to prankishly topple an opponent’s ball off his tee.

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