The Theorist

It’s one thing to be a detective, doing the actual sleuthing that can get you killed. Or a scientist doing the actual research. It’s another to be a professional theorist. The ultimate specialist. He doesn’t gather any clues. No, when all your theories seem to go nowhere, you seek him out, and he comes with another, usually incredibly wild, theory. This is the job I want. Not satisfied with the explanations of the universe you’ve been fed? I’ll make one up for you that fits the facts. (No clue if it’s truly true.) Like: O.J. didn’t do it. The invasion of Iraq had secret but amazingly noble motives. Paris Hilton’s super-intelligent plan for improving the world. Or maybe your theory just needs a little tweak. Of course, instead of a job it could be a character. Who claims to be the for-hire, lips-sealed consultant who came up with Chariots of the Gods and Starbucks: The Adult ADHD Population Doping Experiment. OK, I just made that last one up. 

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